When I don’t have a husband

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June 28, 2012 by theresiugoes

I don’t eat dinner. (Well, that’s not entirely true. I don’t cook dinner, because I don’t know how to cook for only one person.)

I practise the running man every time I look in the mirror. (I still can’t do it, and I look in the mirror lots.)

I spray Exit Mould on the bathroom tiles and watch the mould disappear.

I turn my own electric blanket on.

I sleep late.

I sleep with a hammer next to my pillow, in case of intruders. Every time I hear a noise, I pull out my phone in case I need to dial “000”.

I sleep diagonally across the bed, ’cause I can.

I wake up late.

I leave from the front door, so I don’t forget my keys.

I take the rubbish out (although I haven’t yet. But I will!)

I could go on, but I won’t.

 

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